Durham Road Medical Group is the worst medical practice I have ever known.
I often ponder…that if I were to take a plane, boat, taxi, bus, donkey ride then walk miles across the Sahara desert through some third world war torn countries, I’d probably still see a doctor sooner than if I were to wait for one at Durham Road Surgery.
The appointment based system means you must call at 8am on the dot only to be placed in a queue somewhere around the 18th position. During the wait you are subjected to listen to the highly irritable voice recording of a harsh Irish woman who gives out covid information which is not only impossible to understand but is also unbearable.
When you eventually get to 1st place you come in front of the most strictest of receptionists known to man. To say they rule with an iron fist would be an understatement.
Rumours have it, the receptionists have been handpicked from within the Kremlin itself and are blessed to have their very own professional medical qualifications. The receptionists will often use their medical expertise to diagnose your problem and decide whether or not you should speak with a sacred doctor. If your condition isn’t serious enough the receptionists will provide a response of/similar to “there’s no appointments left” or “call back tomorrow”. Sometimes the highly skilled receptionists are so skilled that they can determine your condition without even asking what’s wrong or taking down your name!
One bad occasion a receptionist provided me with a rather confusing response of “call back on the day” to which I replied “that’s exactly why I’m calling TODAY”
On another unfortunate occasion I crawled to the surgery after having slipped a disc in my lower back. The pain was excruciating and I probably should have dialled 999 but fortunately was passing the surgery at the material time. When I arrived at the surgery I was met with a receptionist who amazingly, within seconds, was able to diagnose my condition and give me her very own professional medical advice..”Awwk yer fine hen, ma son does that aw the time. What are ya like eh!”
After being reassured by that highly skilled receptionist, I crawled home and nearly died. Sometime later I arrived at A&E.
On the rare occasion when you are fortunate enough to get past the harsh Irish woman, 40 minute telephone wait, militant yet highly skilled receptionist you should eventually be able to speak with a doctor via the telephone or in person at a time of your absolute inconvenience. This part of the experience is usually fine. The doctors are very knowledgeable especially with the helping hand of The Oxford Textbook of Medicine which allows them to diagnose the problem and select magical potions which will hopefully make you feel slightly better.